~Skammie~

Archive for October 2008

It’s been 3 months since the last time I’ve been on here.ย  I’ve even forgotten my password…

I believe that sometimes, emotional ups and downs are best relieved through writing. And not being the strongest writer myself (when have i ever liked writing for English classes?! NEVER!), perhaps that is what’s bringing out the writer in me today.

Life has not been fantastic these days. In short, I am now:

  • Without a plan to go to Japan (more on this in a later entry)
  • Without a clue what I’m going to do this year
  • Without a solid idea of what I want to study in Sep or Jan

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m wasting it away. I’m left wondering (seemingly endlessly) What the heck am I gonna do with my life now?! God seems to be saying “no” to a lot of things these days, not that I’m blaming Him. But it really sucks that things I had been so certain of before…now exist as merely past aspirations, something to be accomplished…perhaps never. I really don’t know anything anymore. All I know for sure is God’s promise that never fails:

“For I know the plans I have for you,โ€ says the Lord. โ€œThey are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

All along, I know that God has been gracious enough to me. That while the disappointing reality of not going to Japan was settling in, He has provided for me 2 months of full time shifts working at the bank. That was a true blessing for me to search out my next step. But now those 2 months are coming to an end, and I feel like I am still stuck on the same square on the board game of Life. Sure I’ve sent out numerous resumes and cover letters, but to what effect? I have only heard back from one out of the ~30 that I’ve applied to. I had thought that this one job position was God’s genius plan, a close-by place where I’ve previously worked before. Although only a temporary position, it would be perfect for now! But from today’s interview with them, I’m pretty sure I’ve bombed it. No point at all counting on getting this job. I’ll just end up getting my hopes up again and then be badly disappointed with a speedy crash to rock bottom. From experience, that is the worst feeling, and nope, I won’t have that again if I can prevent it. Hence, my situation now has reverted back to empty waiting. For what? A job? A miracle? I really don’t know…but to wait for God and to continue trusting Him.

Another thing that prompted me to write today was because I had attended my first funeral service. It was for my friend from church, who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I was not super close with him, but he was still a friend nonetheless. Of course, questions come bubbling up like a pot of boiling hot water. Why does this happen to a young man who has such a passion for searching out God? Why him who has a heart for sharing Christ with others? Why him who has only had a girlfriend for about 6 months? Why Andrew? Why?

Nobody but God knows the answers to those questions and so much more that are left unsaid. But one thing is certain, may God be glorified through all this. And He is. I could see His extraordinary healing power at work today, especially through Andrew’s girlfriend, Leanne. Although I do not know her personally, I could see that unmistakable calmness in her that can only come from Christ. Can I even term it “unnatural” or “unhuman-like”? Because it really is unimaginable that someone could be so full of joy in the midst of all the sadness around her. And it is truly genuine joy that radiated from her today, despite of the the loss of her boyfriend, whom I’m sure she has grown close to in their brief time together. It really is incredible to be able to witness such a strong woman of God who stands so firmly in the promises of the Bible that she was able to be smiling instead of shedding tears at the funeral service. As she said so herself: “Andrew is in Heaven with God now, what more can I ask for?” WOW! If it were me, I knew I would be “nonfunctional” as Cynthia puts it, so her statement of utmost peace, joy, and hope totally blew me away.

With my uncertain future that I have mentioned before, I can really learn from Leanne’s faith. True, I do not know what will happen even within the next couple of weeks. True, I am extremely discouraged by the lack of job offers. But I know Who is in control. I know that He has it worked out for me, and for the best too! God will take care of me as He takes care of the little sparrows. ๐Ÿ™‚ I pray that He will continue to give me peace like Leanne’s (which I’m sure He already has, or else I’d be very burnt out by now), and that I would come to accept whatever door He has opened for me. Who knows, it could be totally out of my imagination, and probably 10 times more exciting too! I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me!

ไปŠใ€ใฐใ‚“ใ”ใฏใ‚“ใฎๆ™‚ใ€ใฏใฏใซๅ‘Šๅˆฅๅผใฎใ“ใจใ‚’่ฉฑใ—ใŸใ€‚ใงใ‚‚ใ€โ€ไบบใŒๅฐ‘ใชใ„โ€ใจ่จ€ใฃใกใ‚ƒใฃใŸๆ™‚ใ€ใฏใฏใŒโ€่‹ฅใ„ใ ใ‹ใ‚‰ๅ‹้”ใŒๅฐ‘ใชใ„โ€ใจๆ€ใฃใฆใ€โ€ใ‚ใชใŸใฎๅฝผใ ใฃใŸใ‚‰ใ€ๅŒใ˜ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซไบบใŒๅฐ‘ใชใ„ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†๏ผŸโ€ใจ่จ€ใฃใŸใ€‚ใ™ใใ€็งใ€็†ฑใใชใฃใฆใ€ๆณฃใ„ใŸใ€‚ใ”ใฏใ‚“ใ‚‚้ฃŸในใŸใใชใ‹ใฃใŸใ€‚ใชใœใฏใฏใฏใใ‚“ใชใ—ใŒใช่จ€่‘‰ใ‚’่ฉฑใ™๏ผŸใ„ใ‚‰ใชใ„ใ‚“ใ ใ‚ˆ๏ผๆ„ๅœฐๆ‚ชใใชใ‚ŠใŸใ„ใงใฏใชใ„ใจๅˆ†ใ‹ใ‚‹ใ‘ใฉใ€็งใฎๆฐ—ๆŒใกใ‚‚่€ƒใˆใชใ‹ใฃใŸใ€‚ใฏใฏใฎ่จ€่‘‰ใฏใƒŠใ‚คใƒ•ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซใ€ๅฟƒใ‚’ๅˆ‡ใฃใฆใ€็—›ใ‹ใฃใŸใ‚ˆ๏ผใงใ‚‚๏ผŒๆ€’ใฃใฆใชใ„ใ€‚ๆ‚ฒใ—ใใฆๆ€–ใ‹ใฃใŸใ ใ‘ใชใ‚“ใ ใ€‚
ใใ‚Œใฏใ€ไปŠๆ—ฅใฎๆณฃใ„ใŸๆ™‚ใฎไธ‰็•ชๅใ ใฃใŸใ€‚ๆ˜Žๆ—ฅ็›ฎใŒๅคงไธˆๅคซใ‹ใช๏ฝž


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